People who have no leadership experience have a tendency to overestimate the importance of a leadership title. Influence must be earned. Good leaders will gain influence beyond their stated position; bad leaders will shrink their influence down so that they’re actually less than what originally came with the position. Without having experience being the top person, you overestimate the amount of control you would have at the top; the higher you go, the more you realize that many factors control the organization. You need every bit of influence you can muster. Your position doesn’t give you total control or protect you.
Creative Failure
My momentary comfort in leading a team towards the individual team members’ success was cut short when I decided to take the high road. I decided to follow my heart’s desire: to teach and train people, to expand my influence, to challenge one’s capacity and will power, to facilitate in bringing out the best in an individual.
The impetus to that desire was the realization that my relationship with my former team has reached the ceiling of growth. The team had constantly been hitting the high bars of their performance. For five consecutive months we have been leading in one key performance indicator, which at that time was imperative to keep our customers satisfied and decide to take another shot at our offered service.
Our customers and clients were hard to please. I get complaints from my team members about their struggles in delivering an excellent service to our hard-to-please, ever-complaining customers. I failed to count how many coaching sessions were spent to develop my team. I spent so may sleepless nights figuring out how to crack the code so my team will hit my company’s targets. I could not count how many reams of bond paper have been used to print out the coaching logs and commitments of my team. I, at one point, felt like I was working too hard to accomplish and hit my goals as a team leader and yet I was ‘under-delivering.’ This is all for the sake of excellence. In hindsight, I felt a pang of regret for making my team see me as a ‘slave driver’ and a perfectionist. I forgot to capitalize on the human side of my coaching sessions.
I figured, I was obsessed with hitting the stats and so I have forgotten the very reason why we were working, the reason I was the team leader: to develop and empower. The self-effacing Keith Reinhard, the CEO of Emeritus of DDB Worldwide, has said that one of his highest goals as a leader is empowering his people as much as possible. He believes that, “people respond to leaders who give credit to their team for success and responsibility upon themselves for failures.”
My new title gives me the opportunity to help bounce back from my failures as a leader. I committed myself to becoming more than big personalities in hopes to lead a successful team. I promised to be deeply in tune with human behavior, and, most critically, understand the values, culture and motivation of my team members towards success and what precipitates their failures.
I was back at square one. I felt like a greenhorn once again as I tried to learn the ropes and retrace my footsteps from when I was starting as a leader. I fell into the trap of making myself believe that to succeed I was to follow rules like we were taught to follow rules at school: that there’s only one right answer and don’t make any mistake. But the real world teaches us otherwise.
The drive to excellence has once again boomeranged on my face as I tried to push my team harder to hit their goals and the team’s goals. I forgot, we were on the same page of learning. I was new to my job and they are, too. I asked myself, “Am I covering up for my lack of knowledge of the topic that I was trying to teach my team?” I stepped back and studied myself. I went back to reading my lessons on Creative Leadership: Creative leadership is built on the idea that everyone at every level in the organization is a leader; that leaders must know themselves, alert to their failings and graces, to better serve the organization; and that only by mastering complexity – both human and organizational – will leaders be able to achieve alignment. A creative leader is self-aware and not weighed down with insecurities, not minding about the perception of his peers and his employees towards him. His ego reflects the reality of his personality and circumstance. He is not selfless and without ego, a creative leader has a healthy sense of self that does not respond to threats. From this emotional vantage point, he is able to effectively lead the team. Leaders who cultivate humility do not trade on hubris, nor is he guilty of denigrating his colleagues to aggrandize himself. Quietly confident, he inspires others to tap their talents and to seek achievement, all in service to the organization and its mission.
Your path to greatness begins with discontent…
Conversation Pieces with My Dad
I was compelled to grab a book I bought last year in one of my trips. I had been planning to read it for months but I always seem to find an alibi to keep my papyvore proclivities at bay. I found the book in one of the coffee shops we visited in Davao City last July. Initially, we were only wanting to experience the durian coffee at BluGre Café our hosts were talking about. So we relented to go have a taste of what Davao has to offer us aside from their exceptional hospitality and awesome food that hits high in the gastronomic ratings. While in the shop, their local version of Starbucks, I went straight to where the wares are. The usual gizmos of a coffeemonger are on display: mugs, tumblers, cups, the works. Then, I found my treasure. Tonight my boredom won over my procrastination. So as soon as I got in my room I opened Papa’s Table and randomly leafed through the pages. I found myself being walked through the author’s experience riding with his family in the car and watching a movie with his wife in their room. I laughed like an idi*t when I should be sharing my tea and sympathy with Gabo or Mike or whoever son was he whose hair has erectile dysfunction. Then, nostalgia set in. As I allowed myself to be transported into their world, I felt a pang of pain and poignant sentiment over the what-might-have-beens. After two episodes, I sat the book down. I wept. Yes, I cried like a baby after reading “Finally.” The story isn’t at all tear jerky. It is, in fact, funny laced with Filipino humor that will undoubtedly make Filipinos chuckle like idi*ts. When you make a father talk about Sarah-John Lloyd love story, the plot isn’t going to sound tragic-aria-operatic. Yes, ‘A Very Special Love’ has its own intentions and seriousness splattered all over the film’s reel. But, I still resign to the fact that the movie gears towards tacky and gappish. On the contrary, I cried. Not because John Lloyd and Sarah got hitched in the movie [what?!]. I cried because I remembered my dad and my mom whom I never got to see. Ah, the what-might-have-beens.
In an instant, though, I found my bearings back. I found a napkin I brought home from one of my few trips to Starbucks; wiped my tears dry then I started to talk to God. The talk was short. But it felt like having a good cup of coffee on a cold, rainy, lazy day. Quality.
God: I have always been Father, and will always be Father [Ephesians 3:14-15]. I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love [Romans 8:31-32] .
It was enough to silence my spirit. It was more than enough. In an instant I was all right. Better. Ah, the poetry of my Dad never ceases to take my breath away.
Low Aim Is Sin, Indeed!
Thanks to David Kanigan @ Lead.Learn.Live.
8 Simple Ways To Find A Mentor
Mentoring inspires and motivates people to achieve and excel. Research would show that people who are mentored are more likely to advance their careers, earn higher salaries, and enjoy their work. This is because people who have mentors and are willing and committed to be mentored are more confident and have higher self-esteem.
It is true that there’s no best way to find a mentor. Sometimes mentoring relationships develop naturally, mentor and mentee click so instantly; other times they are contrived that it takes both hands to reach out to the other party. Whether they occur naturally or unnaturally, mentoring relationships or coaching relationships bring lifetime rewards and benefits.
In my experience as a mentor, the roads aren’t always paved. The roads while i was starting were bumpy and full of potholes. But I didn’t allow these circumstances to faze me in anyway. I chose to take the high road by making sure I was connected to a mentor who is stronger, someone I admire and respect, who impressed me with his insights and perspectives.
There are few things that I learned while mentoring and being mentored. In looking for a mentor you may want to consider the following:
1. Mentorship should offer the F.A.A. – Factual, Actionable Advice. First, mentors need to site references that are factual. Are they citing accurate and true-to-life stories or statistics and researches for that matter? This is where mentorship by experience plays a big and vital role in the mentor-mentee relationship. People are more likely to follow and listen to you when they know and are aware that you are a few laps ahead of them in terms of experience and expertise in the area of life they wish to find success. Second, the offer should be actionable or realistic. Is the advice doable and can be accomplished through the skill set and time that you have? Is it practical? If the advice meets these criteria then you’ve made a match.
2. In looking for a mentor, find someone that has done what you want to accomplish. It may not be the grandest scale of an accomplishment but in essence he has consistently succeeded with innumerable challenges. Look for a person who is not a competitor, who shares the same goals and ideas and advocates individual personal growth.
3. Make sure to be fully prepped up for both the benefits and effects of mentorship. Sometimes mentors have their own ideas and ways which can be helpful or hurtful so make sure your mentor “gets” you and what you are trying to accomplish and achieve. It is important to be decided what kind of mentoring or coaching arrangement you want.
4. Don’t waste your mentor’s time. Never be afraid to approach and ask your mentor for help. The moment you allowed yourself to be under his wing, your mentor is at your disposal until you decide to severe the ties. But be committed to be totally honest, be open to new ideas, and be time sensitive. Your mentor’s time is precious; use it wisely and find ways to give back something. Mentor’s reward is often simply seeing you change and grow.
5. Learn to wear Courage, Humility, and Gratitude. Finding great mentors usually start by mustering up the courage and humility to ask someone that you are willing to be mentored and to be guided. And cultivate gratitude in giving back what your mentor deserves. This is the quality that ensures the success of the mentor-mentee relationship.
6. Do not fall in the trap of the theorists. One of the challenges in looking for a mentor is ‘believability.’ The cliché “It is easier said than done” plays a role in looking for a mentor. Choose a mentor who can prove that he did or has done what he is potentially going to be coaching you on. Too many a times, theorists spread themselves where they want to be found so avoid them; instead, find someone who has walked his talk. You cannot listen to someone who tells you to “win people” when they have none to show.
7. “Get in front of the right people,” advises Jason Kirby of eBoost Consulting. He puts, “The best way to find a mentor is to put yourself out there. Get in front of people you want to be associated with and take the first step in the relationship by approaching them. I found the most effective way to build a relationship with a mentor is to ask for their help, be blunt and tell them exactly why you want to meet them. I have solid list of mentors I can go to for business advice, marketing tips, branding ideas, and personal growth suggestions. What I did was just get in front of them, then introduced myself and brought up the idea of them helping me with something they are experts at. That is all you have to do.”
8. Mentorship is a reciprocal relationship. This is a two-way road where both parties should find themselves driving along. As a mentee, never be afraid to slide in your suggestions in taking the relationship to a higher road. Just make sure that when you call the shots you have earned and deserved the nod.
For more bits and bytes regarding mentorship, I refer you to “Five Ways To Find A Mentor” by Daniel Darling.
Blame no one. Expect Nothing. Do Something.
Pressing through your circumstance
He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” [Mark 5:34]
The woman in the Bible has been suffering from an incurable disease for 12 years. When she heard of Jesus coming to her town, she became excited. She mustered her courage and summoned her last straw of strength to see Jesus but the crowd was so thick which made her steps towards him slowed down to a trickle. But she pressed through to get near him. She pressed through just to touch him. Even just his clothes. Even just the hem of his garment. The woman pressed through to reach him. She pressed through to experience the supernatural, something she never has experienced in the past three scores of her suffering. She pressed through to touch the greatness of God. She pressed through the limitations, her limitations, for a miracle. It was her faith that gave her the will to press through. Her faith so tainted, tested, and subjected to doubt because of her circumstance remained steadfast. An unwavering faith is one that is tested through fire, strengthened through constant devotion and communion with the source of faith.
Faith is one of those words that is difficult to tie down to one simple definition. Faith, they say, is taking God at His word. It is true that our faith is in God. But we do not properly know the God we should believe in or know how to believe in Him unless He tells us in His word. This is why Paul says in Romans 10:17, “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Biblical faith is not an “unquestioning belief that does not require proof or evidence” (Webster’s New World Dictionary). It is full confidence in God’s word. FAITH accepts God’s word (His promises and His warnings) as FACT and acts accordingly. Since there are many evidences that the word of God is true, this is not a blind leap of faith. It is rather an intelligent, holy reaction to the wondrous words of God. Now it is true that faith is much more than a mental acceptance of something as true; it also involves a trust in or reliance on that something. The woman in the Bible clearly demonstrated the very definition of faith. She might not necessarily have to see things come to pass to prove her point in faith, she only has to accept God’s word as truth and fact.
When all is fading and all hopes seem to be gone, a look at God’s promises will allow us to peek at what is yet to come. It is those unexpected things God allows to come our way at the right time that make Him more of a God, that make us trust Him more no matter what the circumstance. We just have to press through!
Journal Entry, Dec. 18, 2011
On Accountability
It was a cold Tuesday evening. I just got in from a long, usual run-on-the-mill talk with Brian. I braved an hour of his constant rantings and pet peeves. I was already feeling jaded from the ‘mono’ like fever I have since getting out of bed this morning. The venti cappuccino did little to keep my energy level up. Though dazed and a little sublime, I kept myself busy by chatting with one of my disciples on Facebook. We were going through what happened this day. One of his colleagues was having difficulty coming to terms with discipleship requirements and boundaries. In short, he was giving me an attitude, a usual treat to a group that has known overfamiliarity. I was going through the usual drill with my ‘kid’ [my disciple] encouraging him to keep on, that in discipleship it takes both parties to hang the towel to call it quits. But as long as one doesn’t give up, there is always a room to scoot in.
My eyes were switching from my laptop to the TV screen where ‘Flashpoint’ was running on Universal. A woman was talking to a 10-year old girl who was burning the emergency lines to talk about what 10-year old girls fear about or so we grown ups thought. Katie, the emergency call assistant, was trying to pacify Alexis, convincing her that what she fears are not real and are figment of her imagination. Katie managed to disconnect the call on the little girl who did all she can to make the operator believe that someone was in her house. The next time Alexis called, after a little over five minutes, Katie heard gunshots in the background. The operator tried to keep calm and instructed the little girl as Alexis desperately struggled to hide under her bed. Within a few seconds, Alexis was heard screaming then a gunshot reverberated on Katie’s receiver. The operator was served the shock of her life. It seemed that she got attached to the little girl who apparently was a regular caller to the busy 911 line. Katie let overfamiliarity overcast her judgment.
In life, we often let our discernment be overshadowed by clouds of emotions and egotistic hooplas. Often times, we make ourselves believe that what we do, as we know best, is the best option. Overfamiliarity makes us not own up and take responsibility for the outcomes that are expected of us.
Michael Hyatt, one of my favorite bloggers, quotes, “Until you take responsibility, you are a victim. And being a victim is the exact opposite of being a leader. Victims are passive. They are acted upon. Leaders are active. They take initiative to influence the outcome.”
The story of David and Goliath in 1 Samuel 17 is a precis of taking a bold step to change one’s perspective instead of focusing on the circumstance. We all know what happened in the story. However, had David not taken risk to erase the overfamiliarity of handing down the victory to an obvious winning team, the fate of Israel would have been different. History would have been written differently, thus, the world. David was willing to lay down his life because he understood what accountability means. To him being subject to slavery under the rule of an unbeliever is not part of his vocabulary; being subdued is not part of his faith. David’s faith in God caused him to look at the giant from a different perspective. Goliath was merely a mortal man defying an all-powerful God. David looked at the battle from God’s point of view. If we look at giant problems and impossible situations from God’s perspective, we realize that God will fight for us and with us. When we put things in proper perspective, we see more clearly and we can fight more effectively.
Everybody wants to be a leader but not everyone accepts the accountability that comes with it, not everyone understands that it means you accept responsibility for the outcomes expected of you—both good and bad. You don’t point fingers at someone and you don’t blame the external environment. There are always things you could have done—or still can do—to change the outcome. It boils down to the kind of attitude we allow ourselves to have.
Michael Hyatt bullets his points in case regarding leadership and accountability.
- A good leader doesn’t hide behind his team (e.g., “we didn’t do such and such”) or blame others (e.g., “they didn’t do such and such.”) instead he uses the pronoun “I” excessively in taking responsibility.
- He is specific about the decisions he made and the results he achieved. He understands that the two are linked.
- He doesn’t wallow in remorse or self-pity. He simply accepts responsibility for his mistakes, learns what he can, and pledges to do better.
- He has already taken actions to correct the problem. This is the great thing about responsibility. Once you own it, you can begin fixing it. This eliminates a lot of wasted effort in playing the victim and blaming others.
It is important for leaders to take responsibility for the results they achieve. When a leader achieves and exceeds the expectations and satisfies the requirements of his goals, he reinforces these actions so they continue. Success in leadership is never achieved and defined until leaders are willing to step up and take responsibility. In the process, as this begins to happen, one step can open up a whole world of possibility.
Journal Entry, Jan 18, 2012
Thoughts from the fortress
Imagine a room—an office space, really. It’s a nice space. Dark wood, nice desk. Off to one side are a leather couch and a chair. It’s a therapist’s office, and through the door walks that morning’s client. If the blue jumpsuit and red cape don’t give him away, the “S” on his chest should. It’s Superman, here for his regular appointment. He lays down on the couch and starts to open up as to what it means to be him. The words that flow from his lips at first seem so strange coming from the “Man of Steel.”
What if Superman really didn’t like to fly? What if Superman thought his job was more burden than joy? Here on the couch, away from the spotlight and the headlines, Superman is able to open up. “I wish that I could cry.” “I wish I didn’t have to be strong.” “I am more than a man in a silly red sheet.” “It’s just not that easy to be me.” On the couch of his trusted therapist, our favorite hero reveals the human side of being Superman.
It’s not what first comes to mind when we think about Superman, is it? It’s not what first captures our imagination when thinking of the Man of Steel. Superman—faster than a speeding locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. It’s a bird! No, it’s a plane! No, it’s Superman! That’s what we think of when we think of Superman. Super strength, super speed, super eyesight. Defender of justice and all that is good. Now that’s the guy my brother and I got out of bed on Saturday mornings to watch. I mean, we loved Superman. We would sit there in our pajamas and just wait for mild mannered Clark Kent to step into that phone booth. When he did, I’d turn to my brother and say, “There he goes!” He would emerge with that “S” on his chest, and all the criminals of Metropolis had to beware. Here was a guy you could believe in. He would take care of business. He was going to do what we could not do for ourselves. But what if under this super human’s cape was a very human heart? A heart that had doubt and fear? A heart that was confused? Would that make him any less super?
Redux, March 12, 2008
Passion and Purpose in the Eyes of Joshua
“God watches over good people and places them in positions of power and honor forever.”
“God does not take his eyes off the righteous; he enthrones them with kings and exalts them forever.” [Job 36:7, NIV]
Those who are desiring to assume the mantle of leadership in ways unlike any previous generation need to draw out their passion from their craft and purpose from their design. Often times we are faced with great and small challenges that cripple and stunt our growth and progress. Sustainability. Learning. Strategy. Desire. Vision. Values. These are the big issues in the minds of young leaders today – the challenges they must want and must pursue.
When Joshua was left with the responsibility to look after the people left to him by Moses, he must have had millions of questions to a point when he doubted himself and his capacity. He was faced with a great responsibility. Leading a multitude, and a grumbling stiffed-necked one, is not an easy task. He had to make a choice. He could face the challenge or be fazed by the challenge.
Was he ready and fully prepped up to lead a nation? Was he ripe for the job? We can see a downcast Joshua. Mourning. Downtrodden. After all he was Moses’ right hand and assistant. If you were Joshua, where would you draw strength and confidence to pick up the pieces, put yourself together, and move on? The promise of the Lord rang through. Amidst every trial, in Joshua’s case amidst mourning over Moses’ passing, and endeavor, it was the relationship to the Father that gave Joshua a renewed strength and refreshed fervor to fulfilling the immense task ahead. God gave him the vision and the ability to sustain the vision. But God gives us first the values in order to protect and sustain the vision. Our values point out the direction of the vision; it is our compass and map.
Constant communion and consultation with the source and provider of the vision clear all fogs on the roads of our vision and draws more inspiration to make the journey more exciting and worth reaching.
Journal Entry, December 2, 2011
The Raincheck Makers: Anathema of great leadership
“But without exception they all began to make excuses…” [Luke 14:18]
American Indian tradition exalts the Rainmaker. The Rainmaker used magical powers to bring the rain to nourish the crops to feed the people. Without rain, the people would weaken, die, or have to move elsewhere. Today, a rainmaker is a person who brings revenue into an organization, be it profit or non-profit. That revenue comes from customers and donors. That revenue is the lifeblood of the organization. Without it the organization will die.
On the other hand, to ‘take a rain check’ is a familiar phrase among baseball fans as that was where it arose: when a game was rained out, those who had tickets for that game were given a rain check which they could redeem at another game. That might explain why efforts to prevent a baseball game from being canceled by rain (and rain checks issued) are so prodigious: covering the playing field with tarp, keeping the fans and players waiting as long as possible to see if the downpour will end. The term was soon used metaphorically, and by the 1970s it had spread outside the U.S. and into other English-speaking countries. The use of the term as early as 1884 gives some indication as to the popularity of baseball in the U.S. even at that time: ‘The heavy rain yesterday threw a damper over local operations. At each of the parks the audience had to be content with three innings and rain checks.’ [St. Louis Missouri Post-Dispatch 26 May] So to ‘take a rain check’ means to postpone an invitation.
We see two phrases here and two types of people. A rainmaker and, as the title indicates, a raincheck maker. Two people of contrasting character: one who keeps his word and does his work, one who dilly-dallies and seems to not take things seriously.
The parable of the great banquet tells the story of three invited guests who were invited to feast with the master. All three received an RSVP. All three already accepted the invitation but advised raincheck at the last minute. If you read the parable, you’d figure three kinds of people the master has invited to the banquet. Three kinds of people that we are and three reasons that hold us back from keeping our word and commitment: 1) possessions, 2) career/studies, 3) personal relationships.
God’s invitation is not a condemnation of our career, our possessions, and relationships; it is about making sure the good doesn’t blind us to the best. God’s invitation to be “blessed” is the end point of the commitment he calls us for. However, most times we stop at good things and not wait for the best. We consider our possessions to be the “blessing” God gives us. We think of our high grades and flourishing careers to be the “blessing.” We look at our happy relationships to be the one “blessing” we have been praying for. We accept good to be the best option.
“The one who will eat bread in the kingdom of God is blessed!” [Luke 14:15]
Bottom line: “They all began to make excuses” and things and affections figured in just about everyone of them. God reminds us to “set your minds on what is above, not on what is on earth.” [Col 3:2] With our commitment to fulfill the great commission, we may choose be a rainmaker for God’s kingdom or to be a raincheck maker and pray tell we have time to do the work some other time.
Journal Entry, Dec 27, 2011
Reframe your dream
“The cupbearer and the baker of the king had a dream…” [Gen 40:5]
When you have a dream, you must cultivate the companionship of other dreamers. When Joseph interpreted the dreams of the cupbearer and the baker, he was introduced to the Pharaoh, who also had a dream. That event changed his life forever.
Building relationship with people who share the dream and vision can strengthen your faith and shape you into the right person. “Iron sharpens iron… so a man sharpens… his friend” [Prov 27:17].
You must also be willing both to forgive and forget; it sets you free from the past and opens doors to the future. “Forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead” [Phil 3:13]. ‘Forgetting’ and ‘reaching’ call for succedent action: forget, then reach! What you refuse to get over, you’ll live under. What you refuse to forget, you’ll drag like a ball and chain through life. They become excess baggages that make the climb difficult.
When Joseph interpreted the dreams of the Pharaoh’s servants, he asked to be remembered as an ally, a friend. The butler forgot. For two years Joseph waited. The Pharaoh one day had a dream which only Joseph can interpret. He was called and was rewarded accordingly. Joseph didn’t dwell in the butler’s folly but he forgave and forgot the offense and instead opted to reach for his dream – God’s dream for him.
He was given Manasseh: For God has made me forget all my toil in my father’s house. Then, Ephraim: God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction. [Gen 41:51-52]
God can help you get over the circumstance and move on. He will give you the ability to reframe your dream, acquire wisdom, and become successful because of it.
Journal Entry, Jan 1, 2012
Dream another dream
“Look, I had another dream…” [Gen. 39:9]
The story is told of a couple who loved mushrooms and bought a bushel of them from a roadside vendor. They made mushroom omelette, mushroom salad, mushroom soup, and even concocted a mushroom dessert. Their cat gobbled up the left over mushrooms. Later the lady went into her kitchen and found the cat lying on the floor gasping for breath. She immediately phoned the vet who said they’d probably gotten some poisoned toadstools and advised them to go to the hospital. After having their stomachs pumped the couple returned home expecting to see their cat lying lifeless on the floor. Instead the cat was in the corner with a brand new litter of kittens. What they thought were death pains were just birth pains.
In moments when you feel your dream is ‘gasping’ its last breath, you need to all the more trust and keep believing God; you are closer to ‘giving birth’ than you’ve ever been.
Dream again, only BIGGER! Joseph dreamed a second dream, an even bigger one. If you feel like ‘abandoning ship’ because of discouragement, you need to rise up and reclaim your dream. If you have already fulfilled it, ask God for a bigger one. Know that you can never out-dream God. “Nothing is impossible for the Lord.” [Gen 18:14]
Conceive a dream and wait for it to be born. God appoints the right time. He wants to show you a great deal of things while you wait in expectation for your dream to come to pass. It is always a matter of the condition of your heart. God can give you the answer anytime; the question is ‘Are you ready to receive it?’
Journal Entry, Dec. 30, 2011
A Ridiculous Faith
“It doesn’t make any difference whether what you face is something that affects your work, your personal relationships, your sense of security, your appraisal of self-worth, or your appearance—the way you think about your situation largely determines whether you will do anything about it and what you will do.” Freeman & DeWolf
One wintry morning, a family set out on a vacation for the holidays. The busy parents quickly stowed the luggage in the compartment and bade their three kids, who were playing and throwing snowballs at each other oblivious of the freezing temperature, to scoot in the back seat of the car. The car suddenly was filled with chattering kids who were excited about the holiday retreat. It was Christmas in three days.
Through the long drive, the kids in the back seat would intermittently switch from singing to talking to shutting up to pressing theirs faces against the window when one of them would shout, “Wow, check that out!” That went on for a while until the mother segued into a hum of “White Christmas” to the delight of the two girls who joined in a jubilant chorus, “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, With every Christmas card I write…” Then suddenly the air broke into a salvo, “May your days be merry and bright…” The car screeched to a stop at the curb as everyone in the car looked at the 13-year old boy who just blurted out the croon in a “shut up and hear me sing” way.
That night before he went to bed Michael confided to his mom, as he’d been doing since he was 2 years old, “I’m gonna be famous someday. You watch, mom. You’ll see.” Twenty years later, he’d confess about his “ridiculous faith that (becoming famous) would happen when the whole world thinks it (is) ridiculous”.
In our lifetime, we would have thousands of dreams, wants, needs we want realized. It’s pretty normal to want something. Human, they say, is an insatiable being. And that was an impetus to the creation of the word symbiosis—one exists for the benefit of another. Ever wonder why we have an endless array of choices of gadgets and what-not? It’s because someone does his research on what does one want, and how many does John Doe want of what. Lo and behold, we have a microcosm of outsourcing to log our wants, needs, and most of the time, complaints so they have something to profit from and make the architects of our insatiability become more rich than yesterday. So tomorrow they can come up with a table that doubles as computer screen or a portal where you can lure your bad boss in that leads to a point of no return (of course, without you being indicted for the act).
During my first visit to Greenhills Shopping Center, I stood at the lobby in amazement. Not that I’ve never been in a shopping arcade before, but I was in awe of how many stalls have been erected like mushrooms to take up the cramped space of the mall. As I went up the 2nd level, I couldn’t help but wonder how many cellphones have been allocated for the colony of consumers that paraded in an organized chaos. Stall after stall, there were countless gizmos on display all to cater to techy earthlings who mill around in beeline in search for the thingamajig they can include in their personal clutters. Most of the mall rats you’d see are in search for a better or newer version of what they already have. The merchants call the transaction ‘upgrade’.
That’s a reality. We want something now, and something better tomorrow. We wanted the whole world if God allows us to have and, yes, we want it. But do we really want it? Maybe we really want it. But have we the faith, a ridiculous faith, to want it? Yes, the faith. The Bible tells us to have the ‘faith like a child’. (Matt 18:2-4)
Then there’s the desire to want something. ‘Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.’ (Ps 37:4) Some people do ministry in the hopes of getting what they are praying for. They’d sign up in every church activity, attend all congregational conferences, or join in every ministry they think they will be of help in exchange of an answer (to their prayers). This is wrong. This is practically a demonstration of bribing God. That is nothing different to a woman dancing before an idol with the promise of getting pregnant. Or to a man with stage 3 leukemia hoping for miracles to happen so he wears off the church’s pews and his knee caps for 9 consecutive Thursdays praying in front of a cast of a man with a dog. God was never conditional and cannot be bribed. That would’ve made Him less of a god.
Psalm 37:4 promises not a condition in exchange of a deed or act but a favor from God, a constant reminder of what He has done on the cross—His love for mankind. “Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.”(Rev 4:11)
Michael never stopped from desiring to become famous. He dreamt of becoming one. Through the years, even during months when his dad would tag him along on his catch-fish sessions with his fishermen buddies, Michael would sing ala Bing Cosby on top of his lungs against the noise of splashing waves. Every night he’d stare out into the Canadian sky and say an earnest prayer, “Please, I want this more than anything; I’ll give back if I get it…” Then he’d hit the sack with his white Bible tucked under his pillow.
Some of us would desire to dream big—dream of topping the class, getting a scholarship, or inking their names on the Dean’s List. For the bigger chunk of the populace who are given lesser neurons to desire for the academics, they’d be happy to have a wardrobe from Gucci, Yves Saint Lauren, Chanel, or Jimmy Choo. Some would be more radical to be desiring of driving a Bentley, Veyron, or Ferrari. And to the radically saved ones, they’d want to play heroes by dreaming of taking the city. Yes, I believe it can be won. SMART plan says, it is possible. But what are we doing to achieve it? The pedantic would neither buy books and display them as décor on the shelves, nor the high-street fashionistas shop just so their closets would have expensive clothes in them. The aggressive Christian would not attend a transformational conference to eat crème brulee, rub elbows with other Christians, and flaunt his Mac book to non-Mac users, would he?
Nehemiah when confronted with trouble, he went down on his knees and sought God. He never stopped haggling with God until he got his prayers answered. (Eph 6:18) He was appointed to oversee the rebuilding of Jerusalem’s walls so his people might be safe from their enemies. But his people turned against the ways of God and this sidetracked the completion of the project. You see, Nehemiah was given the plan—the dream—to keep his people from foreign influences and military threats, but that dream was shelved temporarily. He saw that the dream was so big in front of him. It is within reach but his people were unresponsive as if they were apathetic of the foreboding threats. So day and night, Nehemiah wore his sack cloth and put ashes on his head interceding for his people’s sins. (Neh 1:6) He prayed that they wake up and catch the dream and do something about it. (Neh 2:11-20) Nehemiah did not only desire, dream, and pray. Nope, he didn’t stop only in prayer. He got up one day and ordered yaya to wash his car because he’s going to work. So he had his secretary call the best architects and engineers in the metropolis and headed out to inspect the walls. Afterwards, he called the landscape designers and propped them for work. He later on called for a press conference to promote, ask for sponsors and call for support from prominent social and political groups. The walls were rebuilt and the people were protected from enemies’ attacks. Of course, I jazzed and moxxed up the story a bit.
Michael, on the other hand, took his Bible with him wherever he went. He never stopped dreaming of becoming a famous singer. He actually lived as one. Twenty years since he crooned that famous verse of “White Christmas,” he has since sold millions of records worldwide and won two Grammy Awards. Michael Bublé, claimed to be “Sinatra’s heir,” has become a household name and his music became a common ringtone let alone if it is jazz which obliquely defines yaya’s taste. Now 34, he admits without being ashamed on national television that he has a relationship with God and, yes, he prayed hard to reach his dream that every night since he was 13 he’d “put it out to my God… obviously it worked.” If that’s not faith–the least, a ridiculous one–I don’t know what it is.
inoculation 2
but in the dark universe …
i become increasingly pensive at the thought of losing
my grip on you … even for just a little while…
the thought scares me …
numbs me…
petrifies me …
your name. i shout your name … so loud
that my voice reberverates
into the unknown and pierces the darkness that forever
swallowed my psyche.
i once more navigate to find
my will to see the light
to save you…
from falling …
and if i may, i will become god so i can
hold your life at the palm of my hand… just to
keep you safe … here … with me…
inoculation I
there’s a world inside me…
or am i inside it? …
a world of darkness forever …
a dark pain
i try to focus my thoughts… but they slip away like mercury
i try to remember something… anything… beyond this dark universe…
and i fail…
no, i do remember three names… that contain all meaning…
and yet… mean nothing
andré (?)
nexter (?)
but there’s another name … that heals me …
fills me with aching heart …
provides the only reality in this cold & unreal place…
your name
your name i say it. think it. breathe it. again.
and it gives me comfort
but then … my mind becomes confused.
my eyes are blinded by the endless burning darkness
all i want to do is close my eyes .
sleep…
yes, if i can only sleep – – sleep for hours,
days, years, centuries – –
then everything …
…will …
…be…
…fine…
Psyched
I am confounded.
I am cupid, victim of my own arrow.
I am Sun, now borrowing light from Moon.
I am a star that glitters only through the luster you share.
For I am confounded.
I am not my own no more.
Without control over self.
For you own me, you and I are one.
For I am confounded.
What’s your story, for whose glory?
When we were young, my grandma will dress me and my brother up the same as if we were twins. We would have the same shirt, the same pants, and socks. Somehow, I didn’t like my granny’s sense of fashion even at a young age; neither did my brother. Despite the four-year age difference, which in that case would isolate any possibility of us being recognized as twins, granny would painstakingly storm the local boutiques in the market (ukay-ukay has yet to be coined during that time) to scout for cheap trade and would always end up buying the same brand for both of her favorite boys. If one has a Superman shirt, the other should have too (Thank heavens! Barney and Dora have yet to be thought of back then). This was to avoid any reason for comparison in the eyes of the two critical creatures—us. After my parents passed away when I was 10-month old, my grandparents took us under their wings. They would buy for one boy what the other already has. This must be difficult for my brother since I had the tendency to copy him. At one point, I already had inkling, even at a very young age, of what generation gap means. So growing up, my neurons would light up when I hear the phrase ‘generation gap’ from my teachers or on TV and would pedantically blurt out the definition as “Noun. An utter disregard of grandparents to what the young ones want.”
One Christmas Day we had to attend a party at a relative’s. As usual, to my chagrin, my bro and I would stand the whole day donning the same clothes and braving the prying eyes and quizzical stares of people. My brother and I would parade into the crowd to blend in just to be unnoticed. We’d separate ways as if we didn’t know each other. We so hated those occasions. We’d go about playing with kids our age as if we didn’t care if we’re wearing the same clothes and trying as much as we can to avoid bumping into each other. But kids are kids—tactless and always ready to criticize. They’d ask us, “Magkapatid kayo? (Are you, guys, brothers?)” It was almost difficult to answer that one question I was trying to avoid. And I would almost always reply with a glottal choke, “Oo (Yes).” My brother’s eyes would then narrow to a colubrine slit as if I was his nefarious enemy. I would then cringe wishing I didn’t open my mouth to speak.
I was always like that. As a young boy, I was always the more bubbly and talkative; always running around, trying to make a mark for myself even if it would mean a scar on my knee or elbow. And my brother was almost my opposite–the quiet and reserved like a deep water that almost describes his deep set eyes–a stark contrast to my puffy-lid, Japanese eyes. We were brothers, albeit not twins, dressed up almost the same but too different from each other. I guess what we didn’t want back then was to be compared. People would size us up and we never liked the idea. We liked to be regarded as distinct. I never wanted to be likened to my brother, and neither did he. We would always compete to be recognized on our own to the point of us bickering almost everyday. That stopped when I moved out of my grandparent’s home.
My grandma stopped buying two-of-the-same-type things when I was 11. By that time I was already in high school and had moved out to live with an aunt and her family. My brother and I were in the same school though. Our friends and classmates knew that we were brothers and finally, to my relief, the ‘twin’ effect of our ‘grandma fashion’ was forgotten. I was recognized as me, and my brother as him.
It took me a while to establish my own sense of identity – and fashion. For the longest time I was almost ‘connected,’ mostly compared, to my brother. But I always tried to be better than he, which must have peeved him. At parties, I would try to be at the ‘middle’ of it—singing, dancing, reciting a poem—to the delight of the crowd. And I’d do more. I remember a few occasions when I’d go home from school with PhP2.00 in my pocket—a trade off for doing splits (my tendons and ligaments were still flexible at 6). In school, I was trying to outdo my brother’s academic records without breaking a sweat. Come recognition and graduation days, my name would be on the programme and my proud grandparents would dare not complain of how long the walk was to the stage or how they would have wished they didn’t forget to take corticosteroids. And that must have peeved him.
I love my brother. And somehow, I cannot deny the fact that I must have tried, at one point, to be like him unconsciously—because we are brothers. I have since outgrown that. I have taken a different liking: different hobbies, sports, and even fashion statement. I have grown up. I already have made sense of what I am supposed to do, think, and want to have. For what it’s worth, I have broken away from the shadow that my brother had tried to establish as he sees unique.
I stopped copying him. We stopped competing–until last year when he and his wife flew in from Hong Kong. His wife would not stop comparing me to my brother. And I knew he was taking it all with modesty—“Oh, you look better than your brother,” “You dress up better than your brother,” etc. My brother would only smile at me. And I saw it was a smile of pride—a pride of a brother being proud of what his brother has become. The smile faded when my sister-in-law quipped, “You look more like your father.” My brother ran his deep-set eyes from my countenance to his wife’s and said, “Of course not.” We stopped competing—only if it doesn’t involve our father.
Somehow, that was one issue we have not resolved after all. Time has helped us forget and settle the differences except for one thing. The desire and ambition to be like our father. We compete against each other as to how many would complement us on who looks more like our father or who got our father’s smile, antics, quirks, and idiosyncrasy. We revel at every complement from people who knew our father, “You look just like your father,” “You sound just like your father,” “You walk just like your father,” “Don’t you think he slouches just like their father? Oh, how he must be so happy that you have grown up just like him…if only he were alive.” Some would hug us pretending they were hugging our father. Some would cry remembering how good and kind our father was.
It made me question myself, “What would I leave when I’m gone?” My father left a pretty good memory and legacy of himself on people. Three decades after he was gone, people still talk about him. And I asked myself again, “How did he do that?” Maybe that is what I wanted to become–just like my father. Maybe that is what my brother and I are competing over—the honor of being called the son after his own father’s blueprint.
It shames me to admit that I have done nothing to own the honor. And it pains me to admit that I might leave this world knowing that I am nowhere near my dad’s mould of character. I am almost ready to resign my claim for my brother. After all he’s the first born. I was consoled by the fact that there’s one thing that I can proudly say I can claim anytime—that is, I can claim to be like my heavenly Father, to be just like my Savior and know that I don’t need competition to claim the honor and one day be complemented, “You are just like your Father.”
The Nymph and The God
She came from the woods, from the river, from the lea
where she dwells in tranquility.
Her eyes were wide open, yet gloom reflected from their gaze.
She almost floats with each stride.
Indifferent body language, almost languid from indictment.
To the god she spoke, yet he replied no more.
For only his apparition lingered on earth.
She called on him.
The walls replied only with her voice, for the god has left for sacredness.
She wandered aimlessly, like nobody owns her.
Beads of pearl dropped from her eyes condemning herself.
She sat for a while to contemplate on her mendacity.
Then she went back to the woods, the river, the lea
where she dwells not in tranquility no more.
She fades as the wind blows . . .
At least, she’s free.
Mocha Frappes and Bedtime Stories
–repost–
I was feeling a little low yesterday at the same time I felt like a ticking time bomb. I had my temper all bottled up and my patience almost depleted. I was afraid I was going to explode. Medyo I wasn’t feeling well, i had sniffles (syempre plural para marami para may alibi mag-absent kung sakali)… Naunahan pa ng strike ng mga jeep at bus so naghintay lang naman ako ng more than one hour to get a ride… 5:30AM palang nasa lansangan na ako. Alangan namang sumabit ako sa jeep e nakakurbata pa raw ako so konting pa-sosi, nag cab na lang ako kahit butas na bulsa.
Anyways, i decided to take a breather and invited some new-found coffee buddies… natural, nag kape kami… medyo i felt a little slow in the head
… I didn’t want to be neuronal… diyahe… gusto ko lang magpaka bobo…pwede pala yun (parang pag may eleksyon bumobobo ang mga tao ;-))… kaya ang kwentuhan napunta sa mga paboritong kwento ng mga palakwentong bata…
Nagsimula sa mga pinakanakakaiyak na love story na Tagalog films… syempre kunwari pa-sosi… habang nag-sisip ng mocha frappe kahit may sipon at nahihilo ako kasi i took two tabs of ‘Z’. Trip lang ng konte,me amats na…”Oh, i like ‘One More Chance’ kakaiyak kasi when Basha was asking Popoy back”…dyahe naman… tagalog yung pinag-uusapan e nagiinglish ako…hah… nagtitrip nga… tapos syempre mga kasama ko medyo inglisero din…
napunta sa mga movies ni lea salonga at aga muhlach, dawn zulueta at richard gomez at medyo jologs na movies nila robin padilla… nga pala… pati si Warren Z (pinsan ng pinsan ko na paboritong sayawin dati ang mga Gary V moves) nasali sa usapan kasi kasama ko sya manuod ng ‘Pik Pak Boom’ starring herbert bautista at lea salonga sa SM North nung bata pa kami… tagal na nun… nagbida naman ang starbucks habitue kong friend about his fave sitcoms… from ‘Palibhasa Lalake’ to ‘Abangan ang Susunod na Kabanata’ to ‘Kool Ka Lang’… ‘Champoy’… napunta sa ‘Kwarta o Kahon’ at early years ng ‘Eat Bulaga’… napunta sa UMD at Street Boys… syempre paborito namin ang Street Boys… they reminded us of music such as ‘Always’ by erasure, ‘the funk phenomena’, ‘rhum shaker’, how gee by black machine… at nasali ang maneuvers with their signature ‘macarena’ moves…
Yung friend ko naman nagbida ng pinaka paborito nyang movie OF ALL TIMES… ang BAGETS (sino naman di nakakaalala nun? hahaha)… so kwento tungkol kina herbert bautista ulit, eula valdez, aga muhlach (tama ba ispeling ko?), william martinez… hanggang napunta sa pinaka sikat na teen show na TGIS with matching ‘na na na na… na na na na na na’ music habang lasing sa beach… then ang That’s Entertainment… basta ang paborito ko wednesday group… andun sila sheryl cruz, jennifer sevilla at romnick sarmienta… not because of the love triangle (baduy naman yun)… lagi lang kasi sila nananalo tuwing sabado… ayoko ng talunan e… hehehe…
after a couple more sips and i’m done with my mocha frappe… tapos na rin ang kwento… but i felt better… so much better… medyo nag-aya na yung friend ko na umuwi na itago na lang natin sa pangalang Chase Bennett… sya ang nag-umpisa ng mga kwentong pagbabalik namin sa pagka bata…
Thoughts from the Fortress
“Even in the face of our deaths, the richness of our lives will be yours. All that I have, all that I have learned, everything I feel, all this and more I bequeath you, my son. You will carry me inside you all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own. See my life through your eyes as your life will be seen through mine. The son becomes the father, and the father, the son. This is all I can send you, Kal-El.”
“Live as one of them, Kal-El, to discover where your strength and your power are needed. Always hold in your heart the pride of your special heritage. They can be a great people, Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you… my only son…”
The spectral projection of Jor-El takes Clark on a twelve-year sojourn, breaking the bonds of time and space. On this journey, Kal-El learns not only the facts of Kryptonian life, but also Kryptonian philosophy. Jor-El emphasizes that “It is forbidden to interfere with earth’s history.” Instead, he must serve as a beacon, a leader for humanity. Jor-El explains, “They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason, I have sent them you: my only son.”
As the godly countenance of Jor-El fades a familiar figure stands before us dressed in blue, red and yellow. No longer is this a boy, but a thirty-year-old man, mature, wise, and confident with the knowledge of why he is here and what he has to do. Effortlessly, silently, the figure, amazingly powerful yet graceful, lifts off and flies directly at us, sweeping away at only the last minute. It is time to begin…
Imagine a room—an office space, really. It’s a nice space. Dark wood, nice desk. Off to one side are a leather couch and a chair. It’s a therapist’s office, and through the door walks that morning’s client. If the blue jumpsuit and red cape don’t give him away, the “S” on his chest should. It’s Superman, here for his regular appointment. He lays down on the couch and starts to open up as to what it means to be him. The words that flow from his lips at first seem so strange coming from the “Man of Steel.”
What if Superman really didn’t like to fly? What if Superman thought his job was more burden than joy? Here on the couch, away from the spotlight and the headlines, Superman is able to open up. “I wish that I could cry.” “I wish I didn’t have to be strong.” “I am more than a man in a silly red sheet.” “It’s just not that easy to be me.” On the couch of his trusted therapist, our favorite hero reveals the human side of being Superman.
It’s not what first comes to mind when we think about Superman, is it? It’s not what first captures our imagination when thinking of the Man of Steel. Superman—faster than a speeding locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. It’s a bird! No, it’s a plane! No, it’s Superman! That’s what we think of when we think of Superman. Super strength, super speed, super eyesight. Defender of justice and all that is good. Now that’s the guy my brother and I got out of bed on Saturday mornings to watch. I mean, we loved Superman. We would sit there in our pajamas and just wait for mild mannered Clark Kent to step into that phone booth. When he did, I’d turn to my brother and say, “There he goes!” He would emerge with that “S” on his chest, and all the criminals of Metropolis had to beware. Here was a guy you could believe in. He would take care of business. He was going to do what we could not do for ourselves. But what if under this super human’s cape was a very human heart? A heart that had doubt and fear? A heart that was confused? Would that make him any less super?
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I climbed the hill to talk to the tree... 